Exploring Empathy: Diverse Perspectives for Supporting Meaningful Connections
Empathy—the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person—is a cornerstone of human connection and relationship building. For families navigating neurodevelopmental differences such as autism spectrum disorder, understanding the nuances of empathy can transform how we build bridges of understanding and support.
But what does empathy really mean, particularly when considering diverse neurological experiences? How can we better understand the unique ways individuals with different neurological profiles may experience and express empathy? And most importantly, how can families, educators, and caregivers foster genuine empathetic connections that honor these differences?
The Empathy Spectrum: Challenging Common Misconceptions
One of the most persistent myths about autism is that autistic individuals lack empathy. This misconception stems from conflating different aspects of empathy and overlooking the diverse ways empathy can be experienced and expressed.
In reality, empathy isn't a single ability but comprises multiple components:
Cognitive empathy: Understanding another person's perspective or mental state—recognizing what someone else might be thinking or feeling
Affective (emotional) empathy: Sharing or resonating with another person's emotions—feeling what they feel
Compassionate response: Acting on empathetic understanding—responding to others' emotions in supportive ways
Empathic accuracy: Correctly identifying others' emotional states—reading the signals accurately
Research increasingly shows that many individuals with autism often experience intact or even heightened emotional empathy—they may feel others' emotions deeply—while having differences in cognitive empathy or in expressing their empathetic responses in neurotypical ways.
How Empathy May Present Differently in Autism
For many autistic individuals, empathy can manifest in ways that might not be immediately recognized by others:
Intense emotional reactions: Some individuals with autism may feel others' distress so intensely that it becomes overwhelming, leading to what appears to be withdrawal or shutdown. This phenomenon, sometimes called "empathic overarousal," can be mistaken for apathy when it's actually the opposite—feeling too much.
Different expressions of concern: An autistic person might show care through practical support or problem-solving rather than conventional comforting behaviors. For example, instead of saying "I'm sorry you're sad," they might offer their favorite object or try to fix what they perceive as causing the problem.
Delayed processing: Some individuals may need more time to identify and process emotions before formulating an empathetic response. In fast-moving social situations, this processing time isn't always available, leading to misinterpretations of their empathetic capacity.
Context-dependent understanding: Social cues that signal emotional states might be harder to identify in unfamiliar or complex situations. When given clear information or in familiar settings, empathetic responses may be much more evident.
Alexithymia connection: Research suggests that approximately 50% of autistic individuals experience alexithymia—difficulty identifying and describing one's own emotions—which can impact the expression of empathy without affecting the actual feeling of empathy.
Pattern-based emotional understanding: Some autistic individuals develop systematic ways of understanding emotions through patterns and rules rather than intuitive social processing. While different, this approach can be highly effective in many situations.
Supporting Empathy Development
Whether you're a parent, sibling, educator, or therapist, there are many ways to nurture empathetic connections with autistic individuals:
1. Build on Strengths and Interests
Approach empathy through your loved one's areas of interest or strength. For example:
For those interested in science, explore emotions through a biological lens—what happens in our bodies when we feel different emotions?
For those who enjoy stories, use books or movies to discuss characters' feelings and motivations.
For visual thinkers, use drawings or visual supports to identify and discuss emotions.
2. Create a Safe Emotional Environment
Validate all emotions as natural and acceptable.
Model emotional awareness by naming your own feelings: "I'm feeling frustrated because..."
Create regular check-ins about feelings using tools like emotion charts or scales if helpful.
3. Practice Perspective-Taking Through Structured Activities
Role-playing scenarios with clear guidelines: Take turns acting out different scenarios where empathy might be needed. Provide scripts initially if helpful, gradually moving toward more improvisation.
Social stories that explore different perspectives: Create customized stories about everyday situations that explain what different people might be thinking or feeling.
"What would you do if..." conversations about everyday situations: Make this a regular dinnertime activity, discussing hypothetical situations in a low-pressure way.
Board games or card games designed to promote social thinking: Games like "Feelings in a Jar" or modified versions of classic games that incorporate emotion identification.
Video modeling with pauses for discussion: Watch short clips of social interactions, pausing to discuss what characters might be feeling and why.
Perspective-taking photographs: Take pictures from different physical perspectives (looking down from a height, up from the ground, etc.) to concretely introduce the concept that people see things differently depending on where they stand.
Comic strip conversations: Draw simple comic strips showing thought and speech bubbles to illustrate that what people say and think can be different.
4. Recognize and Value Different Forms of Empathy
Acknowledge when your child or loved one shows care in their own way. Notice and verbally appreciate unique expressions of caring.
Point out moments of empathy: "I noticed you offered your sister her favorite toy when she was sad—that was very thoughtful."
Avoid forcing neurotypical expressions of empathy, which can create anxiety and artificial responses. Eye contact, for instance, is not necessary for empathetic connection.
Celebrate progress without comparison to others. Each person's empathy journey is unique.
Recognize that practical help can be a profound expression of care. When your child brings you a band-aid after you're hurt, that's empathy in action.
5. Support Executive Functioning
Executive functioning skills—including cognitive flexibility, working memory, and impulse control—play important roles in expressing empathy effectively:
Use visual schedules and reminders to help with the steps of showing empathy
Break down complex social situations into manageable parts
Practice flexible thinking through games and everyday problem-solving
Use scripts and routines initially, then gradually introduce variations
The Two-Way Street: Empathy Toward Neurodivergent Experiences
Perhaps most importantly, fostering empathy requires neurotypical individuals to extend their own empathetic understanding toward autistic and other neurodivergent experiences:
Recognize sensory experiences: Understand that what seems like a minor irritant might be genuinely painful or overwhelming. What feels like "background noise" to you might be experienced as jarring and intrusive to someone with sensory sensitivities.
Accept different communication styles: Value alternative ways of expressing care and connection. Remember that parallel play (playing alongside rather than directly with others) can be a form of social connection.
Presume competence: Assume emotional depth and empathy exist, even when expressed differently. The absence of conventional expressions doesn't indicate an absence of feeling.
Provide processing time: Allow space for processing emotional information without rushing responses. Being patient during pauses in conversation shows your own empathy.
Recognize masking: Many neurodivergent individuals "mask" or camouflage their natural responses to meet social expectations, which can be exhausting. Creating spaces where masking isn't necessary is a profound act of empathy.
Validate different experiences: When someone shares how they experience the world differently, believe them and avoid minimizing these differences.
Adjust communication: Using clear, direct language and avoiding ambiguity shows empathy by adapting to different communication needs.
From Empathy to Inclusion: Creating Accepting Communities
When we broaden our understanding of empathy, we take an important step toward creating truly inclusive communities:
Inclusive educational practices recognize diverse expressions of social connection
Workplace accommodations honor different sensory and social needs
Community events that offer quiet spaces and sensory breaks
Family gatherings that build in flexibility and acceptance of differences
Media representation that portrays neurodivergent characters with accuracy and nuance
Empathetic communities recognize that differences in social connection are part of human diversity, not deficits to be "fixed."
When Professional Support Can Help
Group therapy—like the social skills groups offered by Ascent Autism—can provide structured opportunities to develop and practice empathy in supportive environments.
Our specialized social skills groups are designed to create meaningful learning experiences through peer interaction and professional guidance. These groups:
Offer safe spaces to explore emotional concepts with peers who may share similar experiences
Provide peer interaction with guidance from trained professionals who understand neurodevelopmental differences
Use evidence-based techniques to develop social-emotional skills in ways that respect neurodiversity
Create opportunities for genuine connection with reduced pressure compared to unstructured social settings
Build confidence through successful social experiences in a supportive environment
Help families develop strategies that can be continued at home
Other Types of Professional Support
Several therapeutic approaches can help support empathy development:
Social Thinking methodology: Focuses on helping individuals understand the "why" behind social interactions
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Can help address anxiety that may interfere with social engagement
Social Stories: Customized narratives that explain social situations and appropriate responses
Video modeling: Using video demonstrations of social skills that can be reviewed multiple times
Peer-mediated interventions: Structured activities where neurotypical peers are taught ways to engage effectively
Empathy and Self-Care: Balancing Connections and Wellbeing
For many neurodivergent individuals, empathy can sometimes come at a cost. Feeling others' emotions intensely without adequate filtering mechanisms can lead to emotional exhaustion. Teaching self-care alongside empathy is essential:
Recognizing when emotional overload is occurring
Developing personalized strategies for emotional regulation
Setting appropriate boundaries
Balancing social engagement with necessary alone time
Understanding that stepping back temporarily isn't selfish—it's necessary maintenance
Empathy flows in multiple directions. By broadening our understanding of how empathy can be experienced and expressed, we create more inclusive spaces where autistic individuals can develop meaningful connections in ways that honor their neurology.
Remember that empathy development is a lifelong journey for everyone. What matters most is creating supportive relationships where all forms of caring and connection are recognized and valued.
May 18, 2025Hye Ryeon Lee, PhDHye Ryeon is a neuroscientist with over 10 years of experience studying Autism Spectrum Disorder, including at the Stanford University School of Medicine. She has published numerous papers on the mechanisms of autism in journals such as Nature, Science, and Nature Neuroscience.https://www.linkedin.com/in/hyeryeonlee/